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Milk products also make cum chunks notoriously nasty because of the “high bacterial putrefaction level,” asserts Sexuality.org. Other edibles that sexperts consistently label as bitter wad wreckers (and that I haven´t already mentioned) are red meat, broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, greasy food, spices, coffee and chocolate. Chemically processed liquor creates an extremely acidic taste, but naturally fermented beverages like sake and Rolling Rock or Honey Brown beer give spunk a sugary taste. Tobacco is also guaranteed to gross out one´s goo.

What makes a man´s emission yummy? Pineapple, claims Lexx.com. Kiwi fruit and celery, says a japanese facial chat man who grabbed this advice from “Nina Hartley´s Guide to Fellatio” video. Mangoes are admired, plus every other sweet fruit and tangy sprig that Livingston and Bell mentioned. I clicked through numerous Web sites, desperately cataloging the rumored do´s and don´ts, until I suddenly thought: Where´s the scientific process? Are there only silly urban myths to rely on? Who has done the clinical research that can establish irrefutable facts?

Urologists, I decided. I dialed some dick doctors. Dr. Lawrence Ross of the University of Illinois in Chicago shocked me by totally dismissing the entire notion that disparity in japanese facial taste even exists! “In all healthy men,” he contended, “seminal fluids are constant and similar because they all include precise components-potassium, calcium, sodium, magnesium, phosphorus, etc.-that maintain the very stable pH acidity that is needed to support the cumshotsatozoa.” In other words, a foul stench is exactly what the polliwogs want.

Dr. Robert Oates of the Boston Medical Center offered only a grudging acceptance of the flavor theories. “I wouldn´t be surprised if substances like garlic and asparagus that come out in urine and sweat were also secreted in cum,” he admitted. “But there´s no definitive data on this. japanese facial Medical research is done for crucial health reasons and this doesn´t qualify.” What!? He´s obviously wrong: Our planet would be infinitely more peaceful if cum tasted like Snapple.